Made a mockumentary about eating carp. They showed it to me late last night and I have to say...it was one of the most surreal films I've ever seen. Disturbing, really. And it wasn't even funny, like mockumentaries usually are. The production values were pretty high, so I was almost tempted to treat it like an art-house flick or even a film school final project, but then I remembered that Lily and Juno made the thing, which removed any thoughts of the avant-garde from my mind. It was basically a totally disjointed, two-hour long celebration of gluttony, interrupted only by the occasional wink at the audience through over-the-top camera tricks. I pretended to like it to save their feelings, of course, but if you see it playing at Sundance, don't stick around for the show.
Side note: I really hope they don't ever learn to read, because they'd totally piss on my pillow if they knew I wrote this.
--Marley (aka "Mota Marley," "Montaña Marley," "The Jerk," etc.):
Rewrote the 47th page of his doctoral thesis so many times that his eyes practically started bleeding. I think he literally spent about seven hours revising two paragraphs on that page yesterday before he finally threw his spectacles across the room in frustration. The smell of all that carp was apparently getting to him. As far as I know, he never raised his voice at the younger dogs, though. He reports that he will likely still complete his Ph.D in Human Studies at Yishnau (rough transliteration) University sometime late next year, despite the many setbacks he has faced in the past five years. The Ya'Nayy are eagerly awaiting his return to their quadrant of the galaxy, as well as the presentation of his research.
Second side note: Marley, please don't read this post to Juno or Lily. I know you've got my back. Thanks man.
--Wire reports from New York indicate that Missy (aka "Mista [variably "Da Mista"]," "Missii," Missou," "Missay," "Missy Bella," "Missy Pissy-Paws," etc.):
Went to a wedding reception and took a shit in the punch bowl, purely for ironic effect. She didn't know the people involved in the wedding, so it definitely wasn't because of any grudge she had against them or something like that. It really didn't matter who's wedding it was, she says that she just lives for that moment of recognition in which people go from, "Oh my god! That fluffy little white Westie is sooooo CUTE!" to, "Oh my GAWD! That Westie is shitting in our punch bowl! Ew!" I can't say I blame her.
Third side note: Missy, you're my hero.
--BONUS from the "Yes-this-seriously-actually-totally-really-happened" category:
Last Saturday we were finally getting up from the breakfast table at about 4pm (I know) when I noticed that Juno had a little plastic tag stuck to her side. I chuckled, bent down and pulled it off while telling Rachel and Kirsa, "Heh, look at what was stuck to Juno."
I raised the piece of plastic to eye level and what did it say? "Product of Argentina," of course.
Now we know where Juno came from before we picked her up at the Humane Society last year. Fucking Argentina, man. The "Junta" nickname is all the more appropriate now, isn't it? All I want to know is, how did she keep that tag hidden for so long?
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