The Other Blog

So, yeah. This where I go to be inappropriate, crass, and ridiculously weird. My other blog, A Spoonful of Vigour, is the "serious" one, but I have more aspects to my personality than that, so I felt the need for a safe space for silliness and debauchery. If that doesn't sound like your cup of tea, then please feel free to click the "back" button on your browser and return to the fiery chasm from whence you came.

Here it is. I call it Light Sweet Rude. I hope you enjoy that overly clever play on words.

To get things started, I'll say that I really have a problem with the whole, "If you're shaking it more than twice, you're playing with yourself," rule. I'm not sure who made that up and successfully perpetuated it throughout our culture, but it is total bullshit. I'm just going to lay it on the line: I need more than two shakes to get it done. Most of the time, it takes way more than two.

For the confused, I'm talking about the necessity of shaking out the penis when a guy is finished urinating to get out any residue urine from the urethra. I know, I'm getting really technical here, but this is an important issue for us.

Anyway, the problem is, two shakes is far from adequate for completely clearing the pipes. If you don't get it all out, little bits of piss will drip out into your pants after you've zipped up and walk away. Small globules of urine will leak out and either soak into your underwear or fall straight down and get your leg wet. If you're wearing thin pants (think slacks) it could even possibly soak in enough, down around your calves, to show on the outside - if you didn't shake enough and got yourself in that situation in the first place.

Answer me this: who really wants piss pants? Most of us left that behind in first grade and don't really expect to be going there again at least until very advanced old age.

So, that's why you have to shake a lot. Terrible consequences if you don't. I make sure the job is done before I pack it up and go home.

So, is it masturbation? Of course not! It is strictly functional. Getting the pee out is the name of the game. Whoever made up the "two shakes" rule clearly can't control their urges. The hard-ons only creep up in about one in every six or seven pisses. Jeez guys.